The Babysitting Saga
by ClumsyPie
Summary: Post Breaking Dawn. Various members of the Cullen family babysitting Nessie. Hilarity ensues!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: ClumsyAlice was the brains behind this idea. ClumsyAlice and alligatorpie were babysitting a three year old, and we were having a blast. Alligatorpie, being the brat that she is, got chocolate milk all over ClumsyAlice. (It was awesome.) But, ClumsyAlice claimed that the sippy cup wouldn't spill, so it was really her fault. **

**ClumsyAlice suggested that we should make it the first ClumsyPie story, and we did! Enjoy!**

Jasper's POV

Alice was sitting on the couch, Nessie was sitting on the ground in front of her, and I was sitting next to Alice.

"We should do your hair." Alice declared.

"Alice, my hair doesn't need to be done." I told her.

"Not you!" Alice said. "Nessie's hair."

"No!" Nessie said.

"Come on, it'll be fun! Jasper will read to you!"

"Yay, Uncle Jasper's gonna read to me!" Nessie squealed.

"Yay!" Alice said. "Uncle Jasper, you're gonna read to her!"

"Yay." I repeated half-heartedly.

"Without the attitude, please." Alice said, hands on her hips.

"Yay!" I said, mimicking her tone. I walked over to Nessie's bookshelf and selected a Dora the Explorer book.

"This good?" I asked. Nessie nodded.

I was about to sit down, when Alice instructed me to go fill a sippy cup with blood for Nessie. When I returned, I handed the cup to Nessie, and sat down. Nessie took a drink, then set the cup carelessly next to her. It tipped over, but I caught it before it hit the ground.

"Careful, Nessie." I said.

"It's a sippy cup, Jazz. Sippy cups don't spill." Alice said, rolling her eyes.

"You think that it won't spill?" I asked. Alice nodded confidently.

"So, if I turned this cup and upside down and shook it, it wouldn't spill?" I asked.

"It wouldn't spill." Alice confirmed.

"Okay." I said. I lifted the cup, turned it upside down and shook it over Alice's knee. Alice screamed, looking in horror at the blood on her jeans that had dripped out of the cup. I set the cup down and look in satisfaction at Alice, who launched herself at me, knocking me onto my back. She sat on my stomach, straddling my sides, and slapping my chest, shoulders, arms, and head.

"Alice!" I protested. Nessie was laughing and clapping. Alice kept slapping me. I grabbed her, and rolled, pinning her beneath me, holding her arms to the floor. She attempted to kick me, so I shifted so that I was holding her legs down, too.

"Alice, calm down." I said.

"But, but, but, you got blood on my brand-new True Religion jeans! They were True Religion!" Alice cried.

"They aren't now?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

"They have blood on them now! They're defective!"

"Defective?"

"Whatever, they're broken!" Alice complained.

"Um, okay. I'm sorry I broke your jeans." I said.

Alice pouted. I sighed.

"What can I do to make it up to you?"

"You'll find out tonight." Alice said, winking. I laughed.

"What?" Nessie said. Alice giggled.

"Nothing, Nessie." Alice said. I climbed off of Alice and held out my hand to her. She took it, and I pulled her to her feet. I quickly kissed Alice.

"Ew!" Nessie objected. Alice and I laughed.

**A/N: Reviews are love! :)**

**-ClumsyPie**


	2. Chapter 2

Emmett's POV

"Watch her please? I have to make something up to Alice." Jasper damn near begged, pointing to Nessie.

"Have fun." I agreed.

"We will." I thought he called over his shoulder, though it could have merely been my dirty mind's selective hearing.

"So-o-o," I drug out the word into three syllables, "Whatcha wanna do?"

"Play with Juju!"

"What's a, 'juju'?" I questioned.  
She rolled her eyes and ran upstairs, returning with a stuffed elephant, that was purple.

"This is Juju!" she cried.

"Oh."

"He needs to go potty."

"Do you?"

She rolled her eyes and ran outside with the unnaturally purple elephant, I followed her.  
She began to hum a tune that quickly turned into full-fledged singing, "Juju, go potty! Juju, go potty!" I hummed along, she continued, "Juju, go potty! Juju, go potty!"

"Juju, take poo!" I shouted.

"Juju, go poo poo! Juju go poo poo!" She sang out.

"Juju, go poo poo! Juju go poo poo!" I joined in.

"What in God's name..." Jasper trailed off when he saw me singing and dancing.

"I'm being the fun uncle, and don't you have something to do? Something being your wife!"

"Don't you talk about my Alice like that!"

"Sorry, dude, your buttons are messed up." I chuckled.

"What?" He scoffed, looking down, "Oh, I was in a hurry."

"Nice, now go make yourself useful."

He made a face and jogged up to the house.

"Did he go potty?" I asked her.

"Yup!" she answered, running towards the house.

I chased after her, swinging her up onto my shoulder and then running into the mansion. We continued to play, whilst listening to Jasper and Alice, not intentionally or anything, but they were loud, "What are they doing?"  
"Uh, playing a game."  
"Can we play too?"  
"No!" I cried.  
"Why not?"  
"Because it's only for big people,"  
"Will you tell me about it?"  
"Maybe later."


End file.
